046. Dressing oneself (The Oft-futility of Lacking a Waist and Going Shopping).

Anthropologie.com
This is a beautiful top, no? I've been seeing a lot of clothing in this style recently--I mean the bustier top, usually paired with halter straps. It's an old style obviously purloined from earlier decades. I've seen it gracing dresses, tops like this one, and bathing suits.

But wish as I might, I will never buy this top. Because of the price tag? Nay. Because I don't like to purchase clothes online? As if. I actually went into an Anthropologie over the weekend looking to buy a dress, any dress, pretty much regardless of price. I am taking a trip to Europe soon and I would like to have an extensive repertoire of cool summer dresses to bring to stave off the sweating that accompanies the warmer months. But I was barely successful in finding a single dress. Alas, my body is not fit for summer dresses. Try as I might, they just aren't for me.

I have a body some would covet, others would scorn, and others would pay little attention. I have no waist to speak of, no hips, no butt, but unfortunately medium-sized breasts that are, alas, not all too firm. So I can't wear low-cut tops because I just look sloppy; in fact I avoid all halter tops for the same reason. I attempt to avoid showing any cleavage because it just makes me look bigger; and I NEVER leave the house without a bra. So I don't have an hourglass figure but I do have assets that I don't want to show off. What I look best in is a structured dress, one that defines the waist (much like high-waisted shorts do) and doesn't cut too low. Preferably, I like a curved neckline that hits one to two inches below the clavicle. Seriously.

So I walk into Anthropologie bent on perusing the sale section, or perhaps indulging myself in a full-price purchase if necessary, when what to my wandering eyes should appear...but all manner of low-cut, halter top, lack of structure, spaghetti strap dresses, arrayed in the loveliest colors, looking cool and breathy and flowy and effortless and...everything that I absolutely cannot wear for fear of looking like a gargantuan balloon. Did I mention how much I utterly detest spaghetti-straps?

To add to my list of Reasons Why I Hate Summer Weather, I shall mark down "Breasts causing annoyance, agitation, and cleavage sweat." Also to add: "Temptation to buy clothes that are unflattering. Lack of palatable options. Envy. Disgust. Frustration. Annihilation."

Help?